I Mourn

I mourn the memories in my head , I mourn the love that now is dead
I mourn for all the could have beens , I mourn all the unfulfilled dreams
I mourn my pillar that crumbled away , I mourn the words I didn't say
I mourn the past that didn't last , I mourn our tomorrow that won't pass

There is no word strong enough to express my grief
There is no meter soft enough to provide relief
There is no rhyme clever enough to make you believe
There is no amount of words that aren't too brief

I was always afraid to feel
Now I feel so acutely , I'm tearing apart with it. 
I feel it in waves and it drowns me in its sorrow
My tears aren't hot enough to express my grief
Should my skin boil and sear , I would feel relief

This sadness weighs me down
this mail of anguish sags my shoulders
Tennysons` crown of sorrow is no solace
Memories of joyous days only increases my misery



The warm flood of loving remembrances,
Those moments of ecstatic sharing's ; There are no words tender enough to describe. 
I mourn the time that passed away
Uneventfully
Unappreciated
Its in these mundane moments that we live and love

This is my final tribute , my last goodbye and I feel it so intensely
It makes all my perceived pains and woes of my past , so insignificant.
The small everyday trials , that once engrossed me
are swept aside like soft ash



My common sufferers !! We bond together !
There is no agent of joy that can bind so strongly. I call to you!
Love is as timeless as it is transient
and no ones grief is as great as ones own.
But we all love and we all grieve together.

The healing balm of time is an exhausting and tedious relief
yet time may eventually dull the edges of this sharp pain
But I do not long for complete comfort , it is in this feeling that I feel most alive
I may weep and sob
I may wail and ache
But I Mourn and I Live !

Xmas is over.

Ran/walked 4 miles both yesterday and today.  Saw my dad and sis yesterday and saw charlie and fran on xmas eve ; They bought me an ipod touch :-)
Those were the highlights of what was otherwise the saddest and loneliest christmas of my life.
I survived it , and felt great running this am , thru bolton notch , with its icicle filled rock on either side of me, while the snow fell , creating a white path and outlining the naked branches. 

I was considering shutting down the kasualkafe site and blog and starting a new one for .2011 but decided against it.  I will not shy away from the past just because it temporarily causes pain.  I will eventually remember this chapter of my life as a wonderful period where I experienced so much of life, and shared this , as well as an intense love, with a wonderful woman. This type of love may not have been meant to last forever , but I will not regret.